And i kept talking to myself .........

Sometimes i talk to myself .......
It doesnt happen everyday .... infact there is no reason for selecting any day for it ... it happens and it just happens
.... i sit in front of my laptop but dont feel like working ,i go to bed but dont feel like sleeping ... lights are off in the corridor . lights are off in my room ... but still something is bothering me . not letting me sleep. Fan is running singing its own song but still i can hear the clock ticking ..... the clock that has been dead since past three days. I turn left i turn right but find myself incapable to search for sleep ... and then i start talking ... talking to myself ..
what have i been doing all through my life . All those clips stored in my mind start to roll . I see myself riding bicycle to school, playing cricket with the wood of class chairs , having food with friends in recess ,staring at girls , following my first crush, throwing stones at streetlight, getting caught for climbing up club roof, going for tution, delivering speech as the principle on teachers day, going to mussorie on trip ... i cant help but smile ... the smile that gets wider and wider as the thoughts come and pass ... thinking of the day when my mom entered the room crying and told my father that i have cleared IIT , the way people reacted , the way friends reacted ... the truth that i leant that none of your friend is happy when you are .. the truth that has put a stop on my smile as i think ..of the day i got a job , the way we celebrated , the new friends that became a part of my life to be lost later .... but thats not what was bothering me ..
every coin has two faces .... as i keep talking to myself all the skeletons start coming out of the closet.. the feelings that you get from your bad experiences ...these are the feelings that have been bleeding my heart, the feelings that i have
to keep to myself till grave ot till i find someone trustworthy enough to share , the feelings that you can not share with your parents or your hi hello friends, the feelings that i can not write here ... the feelings that i dont know if they
actually are a secret ..... but they make me talk. talk to myself ... i feel like a rose , people appreciate its beauty, its color , its smell but they simply ignore the thorns ...sometimes i talk to myself
PS: repeated ???? yeah cause i still am talking to myself ....